Something needs to happen.... Something needs to change....

I haven't written on here in what seems like ages.  I am sort of nervous.  I have an appointment with my new Psychiatrist tomorrow. Or I think I do.  They haven't called to confirm my appointment yet and that should have been done yesterday.  It makes me think that maybe I have the dates messed up or maybe she told me the date and time, but never entered it into the computer.  I guess if they don't call by tomorrow I should call and double check before I drive all the way there to find out I don't have an appointment.  I hate calling people.  I am always afraid that the person on the other end of the phone is making fun of me.  Not by what they are saying, but I feel like after I hang up with them they make fun of the way I talk.  Maybe I messed up or something and they think I am a dimwit.  I know that sounds stupid, but I can't seem to shake that feeling. 


I am glad that my previous Psychiatrist released me.  I was afraid he wasn't going to because Rachelle told me that it is really hard to change doctors because they all stick together.  But he did so that is good.  I am suppose to see the new one, Dr. Mansour.  I hope things go better with her and she doesn't just blow me off like Dr. Swart did.  He was a fucking asshole.  I am thinking since my appointment with her is at 2:15 pm that it is just a med visit.  I was hoping to get a new intake session since he lied about mine.  He wrote in my file that I was there for 45 minutes.  Bullshit.  20 minutes MAX.  And the dumbass never gave me a diagnosis, I had to find that out from my therapist.  But then again, how can someone give a diagnosis when they are not even interested in getting to know anything about the person they are diagnosing?  I don't even think he ever read my file.  Maybe if I am lucky the new one will read it or maybe be interested in getting to know me.  I am going to come up with a list of things I want to discuss while I am there since I have a tendency to forget everything when I get nervous.  Actually I think I am just too scared half the time to say what I am feeling or thinking.


I am crossing my fingers and hoping it goes well tomorrow.  If not I am gonna be even more pissed of than I already am.  Something needs to happen.  Something needs to change.