I saw my new Psychiatrist at the beginning of July and she upped my dose of Triliptal and had me ween myself off of the Buspar. And lately I have been wondering why I get anxious at the drop of a hat. I never put two and two together until now. She took me off the only anti-anxiety medication I was on. Well, supposedly the Zoloft is suppose to help with anxiety or at least so I was told. But I looked it up and it is just an anti-depressant. And the Triliptal and Abilify that I am on are anti-seizure meds. WTF? They said nothing about anything to do with mood. I don't get it. And if I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder shouldn't I be on some kind of anti-anxiety medication? Does this fucking doctor know what she is doing? I am going to go insane if this anxiety doesn't stop soon. I have a whole bottle plus some of the Buspar, maybe I should just put myself back on it. But I don't want to jeopardize the trust we have since we just started working together. I want to get better. I am tired of living this way. If I don't get better I will just try to kill myself again at some point. Never knowing when that moment may be. I can't let that happen. I need something to change. I need anti-anxiety meds. I keep having anxiety attacks and going crazy on people. I am pretty sure the people at work were looking at me like I was insane. I couldn't stop the words pouring out of my mouth. All my negative thinking was being verbalized. I was letting the whole store know how I feel about myself and it was very embarrassing. I need a change. I need to be better. I want to not be so unstable. I don't want to be the crazy girl in the room anymore. I want to be me. So, just give me the fucking pills.....
