Insane.... *triggering*

I feel like I am going insane.  I don't know what to do.  I keep freaking out over everthing.  I can't seem to stop self harming.  I look at my arm and wonder why the fuck I did that to myself, but that doesn't stop me from doing it.  I keep pacing around trying to stop myself, but it doesn't seem to work.  I have now moved to a different part of my body and I am trying new things.  I used a knife for the first time and it scares me.  I found a pocket knife laying around the house and made sure to sharpen it and disinfect it. Why am I doing this?  I thought I was over this.  I stopped for the longest time and now I am back to where I started.  My therapist avoids the subject, not that I bring it up alot.  Just when I mention something about it she hurries up and changes the subject.  I don't know if she just doesn't know what to say or do, but it is sort of frustrating when she won't focus on the issue.  My psychiatrist doesn't know, or at least I don't think she does.  I guess if she read my file from my therapist she would know, but I don't think she reads it.  My last psychiatrist didn't know either.  I tend to not tell them thinking that they will lock me up or something.  It isn't like I try to kill myself.  I don't even cut that deep and my burns aren't real serious.  I feel like I need to call my Psychiatrist and ask her to up my meds.  Since I went down to 75 mg of Zoloft I seem to be self injuring more than when I was on 100 mg.  I don't know what to do.  My next threrapy appointment isn't for another month and my next psychiatrist appointment isn't until May.  I don't have anyone to talk to.  I am alone in this.  Justin doesn't understand and I lost the one friend that I felt comfordable talking about this with.  What the fuck?  I need something.  I need help.  I went through a whole box of blades to find one to use and they were all fucked up.  There was some shit all over the blades that won't come off so I won't use them.  I have one dull blade and a bunch of knives.  I feel like I am going insane.  I am fucked up.  I would call and make an appointment with my psychiatrist, but I prolly won't feel this way tomorrow.  I am fucked up like that.  Something that is driving me crazy today will not even exist in my mind tomorrow.  Ughh!!  I need to be saved from myself.